unveil yo'self.

Growing up, I was quite the tomboy. Donned in knee length shorts, over-sized shirts and black combat boots, I would roam with the boys on the playgrounds. I always thought make-up, wanting to look nice and doing the girly things was such a taboo. It wouldn't be till late college I guess you could say I'd embrace more of my feminine side. Thinking retrospectively now, my tomboy tendencies embedded in me certain traits that would have it's noticeable remnant for an overdue period of time.

This morning, I was listening to a Ted talk on the power of vulnerability (http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html) It's from over a year ago, but it's speaking to me so powerfully NOW because of this special season God has called me into. I think the idea of being vulnerable can be scary to anyone. There's a shame (fear of disconnection as Brene Brown defines it) that if we truly unveil ourselves, whoever sees it will just want to put the veil back on. Gauging from a societal perspective, it's the stereotype that it's harder for men to be vulnerable. I think now it was the 'tomboy' side of me that perpetuated a cycle of guarding my heart, building walls out of fear and then hiding all of that behind my faith! It wasn't until God truly healed and delivered me , He exposed to me how I've been anchored by fear for far too long and it was time to let faith take its course.

With all that said, God has beckoned me into a season of being vulnerable. (yikes..!) I sensed it about a month ago and IMMEDIATELY, I asked WHYYYYY!?!?! I dislike showing raw emotions and crying!!! Because being a tomboy for a good majority of my life toughened me, I felt anything less of what I perceive to be 'tough' is WEAK. However, that is one of the biggest lies the enemy has deceived me into believing for far too long. stupid demons.

Now back to asking God whyyy.. He was gracious to answer about 30 minutes ago (after I listened to the Ted talk on vulnerability!... love it when secular teachings release Kingdom truths, principles, and/or revelations! God is omnipresent after all) One of the things Brene Brown touched upon was the meaning of COURAGE, and that is to tell the story of who you are with your WHOLE HEART.

In that instance, the stars were aligned. Everything seemed to CLICK as to why I, myself, am going through this season. You see, this season is not just for myself. It's not so I can feel courageous at all times to unveil myself to those around me. It's not so only my heart will be made completely whole. But it's for the greater body. This past summer, God spoke to me about His restorative power. The power in restoration, restoring things unto God's original intention for creation. Having a huge heart to stop human trafficking, I know rescue isn't the end, but it's restoration. And if I want to see rescued men/women being vulnerable which is the KEY to being made whole, then I gotta release that myself. There's great power when you GIVE (peep P. Marcus's sermon on giving!) And because I'm sold to Christ, and to this fight for justice, it makes sense I'll give my life for it. Without being vulnerable, without being wholehearted, then that just goes against the very nature for which I stand.

Thus, I felt God telling me this morning, Jamie, I'm taking you through this season so I can use you to take others through it themselves. And I'm confident it's especially for the justice cause and having God use me as a vessel of releasing restoration. Wow, now that I know all of this, I guess this season isn't so bad after all !